Do I Really Have to Be Honest??

25 Aug

I feel sick. I feel sick physically. I feel sick emotionally. This is a post I have been dreading to write. I’ve been contemplating for about an hour and a half, trying to talk myself out of it. Trying to convince myself I don’t have to come clean, no one will know. But I promised you honesty, so here it goes.

After work around 5pm I had a couple of errands to run. My husband did as well, so we went opposite directions. One of these errands was to make a quick trip into my local Kroger’s and grab a few pieces of fruit, some veggies and some skim milk. Not a heavy shopping trip, but a few essentials to last me a couple of days. I’d been off work about an hour when I headed towards the grocery store and realized I was starving. You read my post earlier, so you know what I had for lunch. But I had eaten about an hour later than  usual and wasn’t hungry for  my mid-afternoon snack, so I skipped it. By 6pm I was ravenous and decided I’d better grab a quick bite to eat. Lucky for me, my favorite sushi joint is in the same shopping structure, so I decided I’d pop in for a quick bite to eat. Mistake #1. Like a recovering alcoholic, you don’t send them into a liquor store. Alone. My plans were out the window. My intentions were good- I promise this. I ordered a water and decided instead of  sushi I’d have the teriyaki beef, no rice- I’d get mixed veggies instead. Not bad, right? Well, the plate came out, and this thing was monstrous. With my eating habits now, I could have made 3 (maybe even 4) meals out of this. I don’t know if the waitress thought she needed to overcompensate for the lack of rice or what- but it was crazy. Now comes mistake #2. No witnesses, an emotional day (still haven’t figured out what is up with my mood), my favorite food in front of me. Even as I was eating (and this is embarrassing) I KNEW, I knew I needed to stop. I felt full, but it was so good. I did manage to quit, but this was after downing at least 2 of the servings. I really should have known better. I should have known that I can’t be trusted. Not yet. I shouldn’t have went alone, even with the best intentions. I really hope this is a lesson learned and I’d LOVE to be able to say it won’t happen again. I know after feeling really good about myself and my accomplishments,this really knocked me down a few levels. I  hope this feeling would prevent me from doing it again, it definitely showed me how weak I really am.

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10 Responses to “Do I Really Have to Be Honest??”

  1. andy1076 August 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

    Naw, you aren’t weak. Because you realized what you did and you realized that it wasn’t the right thing to do right? that’s what matters most. keep your chin up, stay positive 🙂

  2. Katie August 25, 2011 at 8:26 pm #

    Thanks Andy, I’ve been beating myself up for a couple hours and I was hoping that coming clean would help with the guilt. Alas, I still feel like poo. But tomorrow is a new day, right? So I just gotta stive to do better!

  3. Ann August 25, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    You live and you learn. You have learned a lesson for today, don’t beat yourself up. You are doing great…..chin up…head high and rock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Katie August 25, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

      Thank you Ann 😉

  4. goingsteadyblog August 25, 2011 at 9:25 pm #

    As someone reminded me (just this morning!), focus on one positive thing you did today or one positive thing about your day, and vow to start fresh tomorrow. It’s only a setback if you let it hold you back. Keep going, Katie!

    Peace. http://goingsteadyblog.wordpress.com/

    • Katie August 26, 2011 at 10:27 am #

      I really appreciate the encouraging words! And your right, it’s a new day 🙂 Hopefully I can keep it together today! LOL

  5. Rose Gregg Neese August 25, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    Katie – Thpught you had watched Hotel Hell & gone out and murdered someone and made BBQ out of them!! : ))) Be nice to yourself! It’s ok…..I would have bought a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and pretended it was dinner! : ) “U” are doing great!! We love “U”!!!

    • Katie August 26, 2011 at 10:26 am #

      bahahaha! No, I wasn’t that bad! LOL! Thank you Rose, love you too!

  6. Momma August 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    Hugs. I know this is so hard but I am so very proud of you. I love you.

    • Katie August 29, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

      I love you momma, thank you for always being so supportive- I’d be lost without you ❤ you're the best! 🙂

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