I Spoke Up

23 Aug

Tonight was my 3rd Overeater’s Anonymous meeting. I initially joined not ready to admit to myself that I was actually an overeater. To me, overeater is a dirty word- something I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to be associated with. It’s someone who hides and eats in secret, someone who obsesses about food,  someone who lies about- either to themselves or others- about food. (Oh wait, I totally did that). But, do I have a weight problem? Well, that’s obvious. But, it is a problem? A bold-lettered capitalized PROBLEM?  And better yet, is it a problem I need help with? Help from complete strangers with no medical backgrounds. Help in a group setting? I don’t know about all that. I would rather try to fix it myself. The problem is, I’d been there, done that.  But, what I had learned from quitting smoking is the more support I can get, the better. The more people I have to “answer” to, the more I’m likely to stay on track. So, enter OA. As stated above, this is my 3rd meeting. The first couple I still wasn’t ready to admit that I was like those people. I liked the lie that I made myself believe. The lie that said there’s nothing I can do to contribute to my weight loss or weight gain. The lie that said there was nothing I did or didn’t do to make myself this way- this is just the way God made me and there’s nothing that can change that. That lie was easy to live with. It’s the truth that’s hard. Admitting to myself that I’ve done this, I’ve chosen the high fat, high calorie foods over the healthy fuel my body needs. I’ve decided to lead a sedentary lifestyle instead of being active. I’ve decided that each diet, eating plan, exercise plan is too hard to keep up with and go back to my comfortable lifestyle of doing what’s easy. Well, tonight- I spoke up. I shared these deep dark feelings that I didn’t want to admit. I told a room full of strangers that I have been a failure. And what did I find- ridicule? No. Disgust? No. Acceptance. Pure, loving, understanding acceptance. I’d like to say that this is the be-all, end-all of all my previous weight loss attempts, but all I can promise is to try to be as honest here as possible. To share my struggles and to (hopefully) share my accomplishments. I’d like to think of tonight as one of those accomplishments.

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7 Responses to “I Spoke Up”

  1. andy1076 August 23, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    We are never really alone when we find people we can talk to about anything and everything, one of the reasons i started blogging was to share my thoughts with everyone and find people who either agreed with what i thought or could relate to my life, kudos on opening up to a room full of people and finding pure acceptance from them 🙂

    • Katie August 23, 2011 at 10:21 pm #

      Thank you so much Andy- I’m still kind of reeling from actually POSTING the conversation now, LOL! Being this open is hard, but I think to be successful in this weight loss attempt, I have to honest and put it all out there. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement!

      • andy1076 August 23, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

        I know you will be successful, you just have to have faith in yourself and everything will fall into place on it’s own 🙂 good luck on everything! 🙂

      • andy1076 August 23, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

        Thank you so much for your follow 🙂 🙂

  2. runningmanda August 23, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    Hi Katie!! First, let me say that I LOVE, love, luhhhh-ove your title: Scandelicious! That’s such a cute play on two of my favorite words and definitely goes with your theme from the post I read!

    Side note: Too funny, I just posted a new one tonight with my favorite way of reffering to something as “scandy, scandy” in reference to it being scandelous. HA!

    Anyway, I really can relate to your post. I’ve had issues with addictive behaviors all of my life. It’s difficult to stop overindulging on anything that I find appealing; from food to shopping to behaviors and everywhere in between.

    Good luck with the blog! I just subscribed because I’m horrible at checking in on my own memory. Can’t wait to see more of your posts! Nice to meet you!

    • Katie August 23, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

      Thank you Manda! I was hoping it wasn’t too obscure and people would actually “get it”! And love scandy-scandy- may have to slip that into a post somewhere! Haha! It’s so nice too meet you too! I really appreciate your support, you rock 🙂

      • runningmanda August 23, 2011 at 10:37 pm #

        I would love to see that! Love la scandy, scandy!!! haha I’ll be checking in for sure! Andddd, I think YOU rock, missy! 😉

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